What you have is a choice. You can either a) give up, and then the best option is indeed suicide, or b) stand up and give it your all. This whole sitting around contemplating your failure bullsh*t won't get anyone anywhere.You say that your life is meaningless, and you want to change it. To do this you have to ask yourself: what is a life of meaning? What would your life have to consist of for you to consider it meaningful? Once you have your answer, make it happen. If you run into hurdles, which you unquestionbly will, do whatever it takes to climb over them. You may fail, as you have in the past, but as a man much wiser than I once said, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."Besides, as long as you're going to be alive anyway, what else do you have to do? If you have nothing, then you have nothing to lose.